I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
