Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
