perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
