Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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