He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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