its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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