I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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