my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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