I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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