I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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