How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
