I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
