i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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