Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
