I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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