SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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