So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
