Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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