one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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