Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
