we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
