Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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