they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
