The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
