$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We need to rekindle our bromance
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
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