I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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