We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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