I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
