oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
