my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
