hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
