While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
