It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
