actually, I'm a sock model
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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