dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
