I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
