we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
