Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
