What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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