Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
