wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
