hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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