If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
