its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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