so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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