You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
