Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
