i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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