Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
