we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
