I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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