Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
