just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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