saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
