Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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