his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
