I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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