If i come over, it means nothing
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
